Grooming

Depending on how much time you spend with Jen, Josh, and the kids, you may have experience with Sam's preference for his father. When Jen corrects Sam, issues orders, spanks (just kidding!), or otherwise tries to get Sam to do something he does not want to do, she invariably hears something like "I need some space," "I want my dad," or perhaps "Don't say that to me. That makes me sad." 

Now, I'm not saying that Jen is to blame for Sam's proclivities, but just look at her clothing decisions. Note that Teddy's clothes were Sam's clothes first. I wonder if there aren't subliminal messages being sent.  

Jen keeps saying that Teddy will be hers and Sam can prefer Josh all he wants. This seems rather, well, sick. With the kind of health care we have in this country, I don't know that the boys should be set up to need so much therapy in the future. And labeling them as "things" certainly will require some psychological work later on. 

Cat Naps

Jen hasn't been getting enough sleep because Teddy is waking up every couple of hours during the night. She's being punished for bragging to everyone that he was sleeping "through the night" and that she was getting "so much sleep." I don't see the problem with the amount of sleep Jen is getting, but she obviously has a problem because she is a zombie - an angry zombie.

I keep trying to tell her that she needs to look at it from a feline perspective: she is getting a bunch of catnaps. Cat naps are great. Plus, not like she needs a lot of sleep for hunting. I get a total of 20 hours because I need lots of energy to hunt rats, chase that black cat out of the yard, and scratch up the white chair. What does Jen do? I mean, we get groceries and milk delivered to the door! She only needs, what, five or six hours of sleep, broken up into one and two hour stretches? I think that's all she needs. Good thing, too, because that's all she gets.

One good thing about the zombie is that she has gotten lazy with, well, many things, but enforcing the Cat Laws is the major item on my list. I now regularly: drink out of the bathtub, sleep on Papa's bed, mark all corners with my hair and scent, and - here's the kicker - scratch the heck out of the white chair. I picked the old chair that Don left us when we bought the house. I am considerate, really, I did not choose Jen's precious furniture. It is just so much more satisfying to sink your claws into a chair than it is into a scratching post. Plus, it's warmer in the living room than in the Penthouse. The thing is, I have been doing this for months. Months. So, really, the fact that Jen recently caught me and shoos me away will not have any effect. The damage is irreversible and she should let me continue to turn to chair into a cat art piece. Then it would be a curiosity and a conversation piece!

Incriminating Photos

Oh, look! It's the whole family! In a picturesque location! What could be better?! But, wait! They have a cat. Where is the cat? Is he in the very large bag that Jen made Josh carry just in case everyone simultaneously needed a diaper, a change of clothes, and a snack? No?

I'll tell you where the cat is! Locked up. Loyal followers are very familiar with the Utility Room, aka Rufus's Penthouse, aka Cat Jail. As in, Quick put Rufus in cat jail before one of his hairs falls onto my rug. Or, Ug, who let Rufus out of his penthouse and into my kitchen? 

Josh couldn't even be bothered to contact Susan to take me in for a couple days? Nope. Just throw a pile of food down, leave a clean litter box and some water, and your cat can survive for days! 

But what about my spirit? Yes, yes, it is indomitable, sure, but you don't know what it's like in solitary. AND, a couple days after they got back, Jen took me to the vet! For shots! What am I going to catch in this neighborhood? Was adding that insult to injury really necessary?

AND there were toads in Whistler! Toads! Sure, they give you a bit of a tummy ache, but they are so much fun! Rats run, but toads hop - really keeps your skills sharp. I hear Jen caught a few, but I don't think she taught Sam how to properly catch a toad. We all know the adage: Give a child a toad and his hands will be slimy for a day; teach a child to catch a toad, and his hands can be slimy for a lifetime.